What are you REALLY Saying?

The words we use each day can cut off communication quickly, leaving us dumbfounded as to what happened! The best way to lose someone in a conversation is to use the universal word BUT!

As a business leader, manager, or rookie did you take a communications course in college? Even if you did, if you are like me, most of your communication skills came from on-the-job experiences, some good and difficult to hear but informative nonetheless.

Back to our BUTS, did you know BUT stands for “behold the underlying truth?” When we say it or write it, we are ignoring the other person’s opinion and warning them “I am going to lay it on you!”

It’s fascinating how much you can dress up your BUTS by using these words too:

  • Bless your heart
  • Actually
  • Nonetheless
  • Seriously
  • Yet

A personal favorite of mine is when we say:

  • Let me be honest here
  • Truthfully
  • Honestly

That makes me question when you were not being honest!

How can you get around this dilemma? It’s simple, replace BUT with the word AND. You can also say “at the same time” or pause. Better yet, stop talking and listen.

To soften your conversations, consider the other person is at least 10% right so rather than debating them, open the flow with a few of these timeless phrases:

  • I hear what you are saying …
  • Yes and …
  • What would happen if …

There are a lot of BUTs flying around in our conversations BUT remember the words “however” and “nevertheless” are nothing more than BUTs in a tuxedo.

Leadership is the business of customer service. Be a role model in how you communicate.

Today’s mental exercise is to catch and count the number of times you use the word BUT!